Magical girls who are done fucking around
“No, she shouldn’t! Don’t listen to her, Tomoe.”
“C’mon Tomoe, you gotta shoot your shot!”
“You really think I should, Touka?”
“Touka no! What would Tomoe even say to her? ‘Hi, I’m the magical girl who held you hostage the other day, wanna get coffee?’”
“I’m just saying, she looked like she was kinda into it!”
“WHAT THE ABSOLUTE FUCK, pyon?!”
“Damn, I didn’t know mascots could swear.”
“Shut the fuck up, pyon! You tell me you’re not convening this weekend, Maki leaves me at home to ‘run some errands’, and the next thing I know, every channel is playing live footage of you all BLOWING UP A FUCKING OFFICE TOWER, pyon?! The Miracle Bunny Pretty Defenders are supposed to protect the world in the name of love and justice, not destroy it, pyon!”
“Sorabank have spent half a century using their hoarded wealth to exploit workers and pollute the planet, I’d say blowing up their HQ is absolutely in line with our mission.”
“Plus we used the massive magical power spike to one-shot The Night Unending on our way home, you should be over the moon!”
“Also, we’re the Miracle Bunny Liberation Front now. It’s like you didn’t even watch the video we released, sheesh.”
“What the fuck does that even mean, pyon?! If you’re going to use your Miracle Crystals to murder people, then I need to take them back for the good of the world, pyon!”
“We all know you’re bullshitting, Pyonpii. Remember when Tomoe was in tears, begging you to let her quit? And you helpfully explained how our Miracle Crystals are permanently bound to our spirits, and can never be given up or taken away? Which, by the way, was conveniently absent from your whole pitch when you were handing these out in the first place…”
“Anyway, we’re keeping civilian casualties to a minimum! We went through firing warning shots to get everyone out of the building before we set off the thermite!”
“Look, I’m sorry, but the skimpy outfits are absolutely vital, pyon! Magical power is fundamentally derived from the attention and strong emotions of other people, right? When you’re up against small-fry demons, you can get by with just a group of friends who care and believe in you, but we’re in the big leagues here, pyon! If you girls want to stand a chance against The Night Unending, widespread parasocial attachment rooted in sex appeal is your only option, pyon!”
“What about Sparkling Duet Revolution Hearts? They take down powerful demons all the time, without a single panty flash!”
“Those two are top idols, pyon! I’ve heard you singing karaoke, none of you should be quitting your day jobs, pyon.”
“… So basically, we need as many people as possible to be thinking about us and having strong feelings about us, right?”
“That’s right, pyon!”
“Cool. Hey girls, who wants to start a terrorist group?”