#demons

Reznax sighed, shuffling papers around on her desk. “Look, I’m sure she’s great at what she does, I just don’t see how she fits into Lust’s mission.”

“You were the one all excited about getting a transfer in from Sleep Paralysis!” Zalga glared across the desk at her.

“Well, yeah, there’s a lot of kink potential there, exactly the sort of thing clients are looking for these days! But, this,” Reznax gestured vaguely, “really isn’t what I had in mind!”

“Blajora’s been adjusting great, she’s found a new form she likes and she’s really excited to be doing work that makes people happy!” Zalga hugged the fuzzy dark-purple shark to her side protectively.

“That’s great, but how is she qualified to be a succubus?”

“Incubus, technically, she mostly lies on top of people. And my regulars love her for aftercare, we’ve been getting way more summons since I started bringing her along for on-the-job training! She’s already gotten a bunch of solo calls too, you’ve seen the figures!”

“What does she even do?”

“Like I said, she lies on top of people, and she’s soft and heavy and warm. They find the weight really comforting.”

Reznax pinched the bridge of her nose. “This really just feels more like Sloth’s wheelhouse, don’t you think?”

“Sloth, Lust, we both do bed stuff, there’s a lot of interdisciplinary overlap! You don’t get nitpicky about jurisdiction when any of the others spend the night sleeping with someone! And being part of Lust means people know she’s nonjudgmental, it puts them at ease!”

“Oh, dear. That is quite a dilemma.”

Rosandra waited for As-The-Spider-Weaves-And-Weaves-Again to continue, doing her best to stay patient. Her demonic moral development research project had been slow going so far, but this could finally be the progress she needed to get her faculty advisor to take her seriously.

“The suffering of five humans facing their rapidly-impending gruesome demise is exquisite, certainly; but compared to just one who believes themself to have escaped danger, only to suddenly be marked for death… And confronted with the knowledge that another actively chose to murder them, rather than the five dying in a mere accident…” It licks its lips. “I suppose personally, I’ve always favored quality over quantity. Although – these humans who’ve all been tied up at the same train junction, are they acquainted with one another? If the one on the other track were forced to live with the guilt and isolation of being the only survivor among their group of friends, when their death alone could have saved all the others – that might well be the best of both worlds, wouldn’t it… Oh! Can I hand the lever to one of the five on the main track, force them to make the choice? But then I suppose that having control of the situation themselves could just as easily create assurance and purpose, rather than guilt and recrimination… You humans really do come up with such devious conundra!”

Rosandra, face in hands, had long since stopped taking notes. “Why am I doing this…” she groaned. “Why are you going along with this, even? Wouldn’t you rather be off pouring molten lead in people’s eyesockets, or whatever the h – whatever it is you do all day?”

King Zarik IV, Lord of All Demons, Emperor of Cunning, stared down at the report his spymaster had handed him, reading it over once more to make sure he apprehended every detail correctly.

“The king of demons shall return, and attempt to sacrifice the princess of elves to return to his full power. In her moment of need, a hero with a blade that shines as the sun will appear, to slay the demon king and take her hand in marriage. And you are certain these are the exact words of the prophecy?”

“Quite certain, my Lord. I visited the scrying pool personally as soon as my Watchers informed me.”

“And these elven sages, the Order of the Crystal Tower? Their prophecies are inevitable, once spoken?”

“To the best of the elves’ knowledge, yes, they are, my Lord. I have examined what records I was able to acquire, and every prophecy they have issued for the past three thousand years appears to have been fulfilled precisely to the letter.”

King Zarik ran a weary hand through his gray hair, and sighed deeply. “I’ve had enough trouble reining in the expansionist faction as things stand, and now this. I have infrastructure to oversee, trade deals to broker, a kingdom to administer. I have no need for the ancient power of my forebears, and no time for personally carrying out assassination attempts against elven royalty on the far end of the continent, let alone dying in the process.”

“Indeed, my Lord.”

“And yet, I am seemingly bound by fate itself to do exactly that. There must be –”